


When I Die

by InterGalacticKnight



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games), Call of Duty Modern Warfare
Genre: M/M, Sorta sad, This is kind of vent?, no beta we die like men, sorta fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21155837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterGalacticKnight/pseuds/InterGalacticKnight
Summary: Simon and John share a tender moment in the hospital after surviving the mission.Wrote to the song Roses by Glass Face.Note: this isn’t totally in harmony with the events of the game but I hope that’s not too upsetting to most





	When I Die

**Author's Note:**

> I have little to no clue if you guys enjoy these softer fics but regardless I’m just going to keep putting them out in hopes you do.  
This was a slight vent fic in all honesty but it’s not that deep.  
I’m sorry for the fact I was kinda absent for a moment I just got done doing MEPS and it took a lot of energy out of me getting yelled at to spread my asscheeks for an old ass doctor :0  
Anyways! Enjoy!

Riley let his hands slip from Johns shoulders to his back, pulling the shaking man into a tighter embrace that he was surprised even he could manage at the moment what with the fact he had just been ran through the goddamn wringer himself. 

They sat in the infirmary in silence aside from the broken sound leaving the chapped lips of the captain. Simon could feel his eyes burning, he wanted to sob, weep harder then he ever had in his entire life of doing his damndest to make sure he never did just so. He could feel the other mans body relax into his grip and it brought him momentary peace but not enough. 

He let his mind break free, let an ocean of tears make a dramatic appearance on his scraped cheeks. He let the shaking breath his aching lungs held leave his mouth, it traveling no farther then the fabric of the hospital gown covering Johns battered body. 

“I thought I lost you.”

The words sank deep into Riley’s body, as if they touched the core of his very being like an angels fingertips caressing the surface of a dying star and gifting it new life. He pulled the man closer and shook his head in some attempt to deny those words, banish their meaning. 

“I would never leave you- would never fuckin’ die on you.” 

Simon choked out as he disregarded his seat in a shabby chair next to the hospital bed and stood to sit closer to his Captain. John pulled back slightly from their embrace to make room and the feeling of even the smallest amount of distance between them made Simon feel nauseous. He wanted to hold John so close the other man never felt the woes and hurt of the outside world ever again. 

“I though the whole lot of you fuckin’ died I was so scared Simon-“ 

Johns voice was shattered and it hurt the lieutenants very soul. It hurt him more then any single traumatic thing he ever faced in his entire life. 

“I nearly- Simon I nearly fuckin..” 

He nearly killed himself. Riley knew deep down that’s what John wanted to say but sometimes words failed you when you were forcing yourself to admit your own actions. Like you couldn’t even tell yourself what you had planned on doing because that version of you then isn’t who you are now and the fact that version of you once existed scared you. 

“No. You were pushing yourself too far that’s it.” 

Was all Riley could muster to say in the moment. He watched as John let out another cry that seemed to flair up some pain in his chest causing him to lay back, pulling Simon down with him. Ignoring his own aches from the healing wound in his shoulder he rested his head on the other mans chest and let his body take peace in the arm wrapped around his head, hand in his hair. 

“Please never leave me again.”

It hit hard, like some arrow lit on fire that went to Riley’s heart. MacTavish was a hell of an archer in that case because he was hitting every target needed to break down the all the other mans walls. He could feel his mind speaking to itself in muttering tones. 

Promise him. Promise him. Promise him. 

“I will never leave you, I will never ever leave your side again.”

He said as he felt hot fresh tears run down his face like sideways waterfalls only to once again stain the gown John wore a slightly darker shade of green. Johns grip tightened noticeably around the man resting on top of him, he watched as his fingers twisted the curled brown locks between them, acknowledging the unusual softness they held. 

He wanted to hold Simon like this forever, he couldn’t believe that he nearly made that impossible all for a dramatic swan dive off a roof. All for a kill that was going to inevitably happen as the other man wouldn’t have survived such a fall even without the crushing weight of Soaps body speeding it up slightly. 

John closed his eyes, it was in times like these he felt small. He didn’t feel like a Captain leading a small army of men into god knows what wether it was a frozen tundra or a humid hellscape. He felt like a teenager, signing his name off on a dotted line, unaware but eager and blindly optimistic. Not a single hint of true fear for the fact one day he may look death right in the eyes. 

Yet he did. 

He saw death in that moment, it was brief but he saw it as he laid there on a pane of glass hardly supporting his weight as the harsh slicing of helicopter blades in the air assaulted his hearing. It felt warm, it felt undeniably good in a dark sense. He would have gladly took it in that moment but some part of his mind screamed no, showed him the face of the very man he held in his arms now and it was like life surged back into his body. 

His eyes snapped open and he was looking at the corpse of the man he was so desperate to kill moments ago though a window stained in his blood laying dead many feet below him. Then the pain hit, his body only able to hold off the response for so long and he was crying in agony as footsteps ran over to him and he was being pulled into a gurney. 

It was all so fast. 

And now he was here in this warm dim room, that was emulating the feeling of death very well. Except he was very much alive, and he had the comfort of a silent and also very alive Simon laying on him, the mans arms held tightly against his chest, one leg on the bed and the other hanging off slightly. He looked like a child somehow, clinging to their parent after waking from a bad dream. 

That’s all any of this should have been, but now it was another deeply cut trauma for all the members of the 141 to feel for God only knows how long. Soap wished he never led his men into this, wished they never took this damn mission. He still rememberers hearing Price screaming his name as he was rolled into the infirmary hardly clinging to life. 

He remembers catching a glimpse of a nearly dead Roach propped against a sobbing Simon who was holding the man tightly and looking like he was hardly holding on himself, covered in a mess of both of their blood. Morbid thoughts of wondering where who’s began and who’s ended filled just mind briefly in that moment, the drugs in his body giving him all sorts of weird thoughts. 

“I’m sorry.” 

John muttered softly as his hand that had been playing with Simons hair stilled. He didn’t know why he was still saying sorry, he knew Riley could never be mad at him for this, hell the man said so himself. Yet he still felt so obligated to keep apologizing endlessly. 

“You don’t have to be.” 

The mans accent was thick in this moment, caused by the noticeable fact he was still quite choked up. John felt awful. He resumed stroking the mans hair noticing how Riley grew less tense as the motions were continued. 

“You know I love you right?” 

Simon said the words softly, lifting his head to look into Johns eyes deeply. He so very badly wanted John to know how deeply his heart ached for him and now, with everything that had happened, how much more it did. 

“More then ever.”

Riley felt relief in Johns words, they soothed the momentary cacophony in his head enough for him to prop himself up slightly and lean up to rest their foreheads together. Their gaze never broke in the moment they held it before their lips were connecting softly, like both their bodies were moving on autopilot. 

It was soft, no rush behind it, Simon relished in the hand that rested on the back of his head that gently pulled his head closer. He tilted his head to the right slightly, allowing John to deepen the kiss in a way that still held its gentleness. 

Pulling back the contact between their foreheads resumed but this time with their eyes shut, both enjoying the soft silence of the infirmary aside from the gentle beeping of a heart monitor and the bustle of nurses attending to a grumpy Gary in the room across the hall. 

“Stay in here tonight?” 

John muttered softly and Simon smiled.

“I’ll stay with you forever.”


End file.
